Family Life
It’s the toughest thing I have ever done – I’ve said that before and I’ll say it again.
Two kids under 3, two working parents. Tough.
There’s been a lot of talk lately about the pros and cons of two working parents bringing up kids and the merits/demerits of bringing up kids without one ‘full time’ parent. And then when the kids start to misbehave, every single ounce of you questions every single choice you’ve ever made.
Instead on thinking that we have a normal 2 year old, we think that she is abnormal, and it’s all our fault. Every single tantrum, aggressive move and mood swing is greeted with self-blame, introspection and concern.
But the behaviour seen this weekend makes me realise that we’re just dealing with a two year old, and this is normal behaviour – not abnormal. It is our fault the way we have brought up our children – nature OR nuture, but at the end of day, a lot of the skills and attributes that my two year old has would be positives later on in life.
I want a child with drive, ambition, and will power. I want her to show emotions, be communicative, stretch boundaries, and so on. Perhaps all these skills in a 2 (almost 3) year old are difficult to address as a parent, but they are certainly attributes that I want to see as she grows up – so at least I know that they are there.
So, how do I deal with them now? I need to stop her from being naughty, but continue to encourage expression and thought for others. She loves her wee brother, but they fight incessantly. So we chat a lot about what’s right and wrong, what hurts and what doesn’t. She’s very territorial but then, what 3 year old isn’t? Problem is: some 3 year olds aren’t – but I don’t know what they’ll be like when they get older, and I don’t know what my kids will be like when they get older. What I do know is that I need to stop blaming myself for each and every phase that she is going through – if I don’t stop blaming myself, I’ll spend a very long time of my parental experience feeling that I have made mistake after mistake after mistake.
Parenting is a very self-critical exercise – every scenario gets played out in your mind time and time again, and often every single decisi0n can be done differently. Don’t give your children a choice, is what people say, and a lot of the time I agree with that, but then, personal choice builds independence and decision making skills – so actually, when I can, I encourage choice. Sometimes it backfires, other times it works ok. But generally I feel that the overall direction is good. This is slightly controversial, but I try to treat my children as able to understand me from day 1, and I respect their time and space as individuals. The thing I need to bear in mind, constantly, is that they are only young, and as much as they need freedom they need discipline, parental guidance and supervision.
It’s a tricky balance, and during the bad days, I feel like I’ve got it all wrong. But over the last few days, when we’ve seen a beautfiul young lady full of life, clear expression and vigour – I feel vindicated and secure. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions and I don’t know how to see the bad days as the exception and the good days as the norm. At the end of the day, the good certainly outweighs the bad – which leads me to believe that I am bringing up well-rounded, caring, generous, sharing, loving, intelligent, HAPPY kids, but during the dark, bad days, it’s difficult to see the long term progression.
I sit here on my laptop, on the floor of my study, watching as my 3 year old plays at the computer (for the first time this weekend, and it is Sunday evening!) She is a bit addicted to the computer but on the plus side, she can open up paint, use it to draw pictures, and is generally quite adept at it. I’d rather she learnt computing skills than sitting there hitting a DS with that little stylus – one seems more akin to skills that she’ll be able to use later – although who knows – we may well find that PCs turn into things very similar to DSs given the current penchant for touchscreens….
The little lad is a handful too, but whilst it’s still early to tell whether he’ll be a laid back chap or not – I think he’s likely to fight for everything with his sister (i.e. very unlaid back!), but I can’t wait for them to start getting on – assuming that does happen at some point – I really hope it is soon! They are so gorgeous when they play together, it makes me happy at so many levels. He’s just started to speak at 18 months, and it’s so lovely watching him communicate better….it’s the beginning of the end of the ‘frustration period’ for him where he understands what’s going on but can’t express himself. It’s sad in a way but its also a key point in his little life thus far, so we need to embrace his communication and listen to what he has to say and try to help him out where we can.
We are beginning to have to employ the naughty step at times, which he hates, but he’s a naughty boy!! Maybe discipline is too early for him, but I think that he understands that he’s being naughty, so its the right time to start disciplining him!!
It’s been a great weekend and the kids have been really well behaved, and I’ve enjoyed it immensely. It gives me such a warm feeling to see them both being so lovely and happy. It makes me think that I am not making as many mistakes as books, guidance, peers, other parents, etc, make me think I am making!! Anyways, time for beddy byes for the littluns.
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