Firstly…

So, the beginnings of a blog. This is the first time I’ve attempted to write one of these, I have never even managed to keep a diary going for longer than a week – not even during the action-packed, emotion-fuelled heady days of my teenage years. Finding time to do this now is not going to be an easy task, my life is already full on with work and family. It will be harder still if no-one reads it! So, I suppose the first question on your lips if you’ve happened upon these words is: why?

I think that question is a good place to start. Isn’t ‘why’ the foundation of our learning? I used to think that asking ‘why’ repeatedly was an immature method of interrogation, common of an under-developed mind. Of course, we all know that I’m referring to the typical 3-year-old response to anything and everything. Luckily for me, my 2-year-old has started early with this one. I assume its one of the many lessons that she has been taught by her nursery pals. However, whilst my Mum and Dad’s response to this question when I was younger was invariably useless (‘z’, or ‘because i said so’) I am trying my best to give my daughter the most correct and comprehensive answer that I can. ‘Why’, you ask?! Well, it teaches her, for one (assuming I get the answer right, of course) but two, it’s actually not as immature an interrogation method as I once thought. Perhaps this relatively new parent is fooling himself, I hear you say…well, maybe so. But even then, I have my reasons.

A lot of fluffy stuff gets taught at management courses, and some of it is clearly complete piffle (trying to keep my language clean; not sure how long that will last) but most of it can actually teach us all some good lessons, as long as it is used in the appropriate context and we don’t get too literal with it. So, what is it that I was taught to alter my views on the ‘why’ question? Well, it was called something like the 4 why’s, or maybe it was 5, it doesn’t really matter, it’s the concept that’s key. The idea is to keep asking why in order to get to the bottom of an issue, not in the style akin to a 3-year-old, but in a more mature manner. It’s one of the lessons that I found quite useful. Why is the process going wrong? Why does the person doing it make mistakes? Why are they not motivated to get it right? And so on, till we reach the true underlying issue. So, in that vein, I assume you want me to tell you why, at the most basic level, am I starting a blog?

While we’re going through the “whys”, I can also talk about some of the “hows” because they’re related in some respects. So – the young, wild, rebellious side of me wants to become some sort of modern-day, internet-version of Hard Harry (Christian Slater in Pump Up The Volume) and have people read my views, hear about my life and become fans, of sorts. This is one of the reasons that I want to remain anonymous in my blogging – I don’t even want my wife and kids to know about it. There are other reasons for wanting to be anonymous – I want to be open about as much as I can. I am generally a very open person and don’t like secrets – although I appreciate that not telling my wife about the blogging might be contradictory, but I hope you’ll see more of the why as I go on. I want this blog to be about everything, and if I tell the missus, I might be economical with the truth at times, in case she reads it. I just want it to be as honest as possible. However, that’s not to say that I’m not open to my wife about things – we have an excellent relationship – but I want to protect her also. She certainly isn’t into having our disagreements put online, but I’m sure I’ll end up writing about them – and so, to ensure that she isn’t linked to the blog – anonymity it has to be. Also, so as to avoid any work connection, or having to ensure I abide by the work “Code of Conduct”, anonymity works best yet again.

Realistically, I’m no Christian Slater – or Hard Harry, for that matter. And I certainly won’t be pretending to masturbate whilst writing a blog – it’s just not that easy to type at the same time…. (For those that haven’t seen the film, it might be best that you do – I’m not being crude….! Well, maybe I am a little.). A fan base is certainly not the fundamental reason why I am writing a blog. Another “why” is that I have things to say, and nowhere to say them – some of them can be considered advice, others just observations – some amusing, some dull, but still – things to say, and nowhere to say them. Hence a blog. I thought about trying to write articles and send them to newspapers a la Miles Kington (a personal hero of mine – even if he did like Jazz) but again, realistically, I’m not that funny, nor as literate. Besides, writing articles for a newspaper takes patience, and determination – I’m not sure I have the time to spend being patient and determined when it comes to airing my views. Yeah sure, I’m a passionate guy – I have strong opinions, though I am willing to listen to others, and invite them to correct or sway me – but I’m not sure I have the passion to continue writing and sending articles to papers – this way my standards can slip as much as I want them to, but I can continue to write. Using a medium outside of my control makes the choice someone else’s – which isn’t where I want to be.

However, lastly, and herein lies the rub, I think that the main reason for a blog is therapy. It gives me a chance to write about who I am, and be more critical about what I do or don’t do, about the choices I make or don’t make, about the person, husband or father that I am, that I aspire to be and that I don’t want to be. It’s like a session with a psychiatrist, without paying the fee. And that’s where we get back to anonymity – I would expect my psychiatrist to keep things to him/herself, and not go tell my wife everything I say – and that’s what I expect of my readers, but I’ll keep that in my control for now. Although I have to say, I can’t imagine for the life of me that I will get many readers anyway. But let’s see, as time goes on, who knows? I’ve noticed that I have talked twice about control – might be a cause for thinking I’m a control freak – let’s wait and see how that little sub-plot runs.

If I can touch the life of one in a positive way, then it’s all worth it. Even if that person happens to be me, and it end about being more about self-learning than anything else – it doesn’t matter. I don’t read blogs, maybe I should start – but I’ve no idea what to put in them, what people like to read, and whether I’m going to be any good at them, but there you go – we’ll see.

~ by citydad on July 19, 2008.