I hate Balamory

It’’s not so much that I hate the programme itself – there are several worse children’s programmes on TV such as Peppa Pig where the role models are generally rude and not the best characters to follow – at least in Balamory it tries to teach people to help each other and people are generally polite and well-mannered. So the role models are ok, it’s just very surreal…The problem I have is that my little man has an absolutely fascination with it! It seems to be on every single minute of the day at the moment. He doesn’t really watch it all the time, he’s playing most of the time – but he likes it on in the background.

I’m not a fan of the kids watching TV all the time. In fact, I’m dead against it, but they’ve been tired all weekend, and it just means that they can relax a bit more, and it doesn’t mean that they get so stressed out – but I can’t wait until he goes to bed in a few minutes so I can turn this off!

Apart from the Balamory addiction, he’s a little treasure. Gorgeous smiles, lovely new chat. It’s such a lovely age, with new words coming all the time, and him copying and understanding everything that is going on around him. He’s lapping it up, and ok, he’s trouble, but he’s just a little boy really – full of cheek. He’s a complete wuss if his big sister brushes past him, but he can play fight with me and he’s roaring with laughter! Little bugger!

Just cooked my first mince curry, all from scratch – smells and tastes fantastic. Can’t wait to get more curries into the repertoire – it’ll be biryani next I think. Then, that’s most of the family recipes covered, I’ll start on the Madhur Jaffrey book! Its very surprising how easy it is once you know how to do the basics. I’m loving that I’m getting that little bit more time to do more cooking – it’s not easy with kids so young, but I’m managing – just!

Well, this post was more of a test of the ‘Windows Live Writer’, so I’ll call it quits now and see how it works!

Family Life

It’s the toughest thing I have ever done – I’ve said that before and I’ll say it again.

Two kids under 3, two working parents. Tough.

There’s been a lot of talk lately about the pros and cons of two working parents bringing up kids and the merits/demerits of bringing up kids without one ‘full time’ parent. And then when the kids start to misbehave, every single ounce of you questions every single choice you’ve ever made.

Instead on thinking that we have a normal 2 year old, we think that she is abnormal, and it’s all our fault. Every single tantrum, aggressive move and mood swing is greeted with self-blame, introspection and concern.

But the behaviour seen this weekend makes me realise that we’re just dealing with a two year old, and this is normal behaviour – not abnormal. It is our fault the way we have brought up our children – nature OR nuture, but at the end of day, a lot of the skills and attributes that my two year old has would be positives later on in life.

I want a child with drive, ambition, and will power. I want her to show emotions, be communicative, stretch boundaries, and so on. Perhaps all these skills in a 2 (almost 3) year old are difficult to address as a parent, but they are certainly attributes that I want to see as she grows up – so at least I know that they are there.

So, how do I deal with them now? I need to stop her from being naughty, but continue to encourage expression and thought for others. She loves her wee brother, but they fight incessantly. So we chat a lot about what’s right and wrong, what hurts and what doesn’t. She’s very territorial but then, what 3 year old isn’t? Problem is: some 3 year olds aren’t – but I don’t know what they’ll be like when they get older, and I don’t know what my kids will be like when they get older. What I do know is that I need to stop blaming myself for each and every phase that she is going through – if I don’t stop blaming myself, I’ll spend a very long time of my parental experience feeling that I have made mistake after mistake after mistake.

Parenting is a very self-critical exercise – every scenario gets played out in your mind time and time again, and often every single decisi0n can be done differently. Don’t give your children a choice, is what people say, and a lot of the time I agree with that, but then, personal choice builds independence and decision making skills – so actually, when I can, I encourage choice. Sometimes it backfires, other times it works ok. But generally I feel that the overall direction is good. This is slightly controversial, but I try to treat my children as able to understand me from day 1, and I respect their time and space as individuals. The thing I need to bear in mind, constantly, is that they are only young, and as much as they need freedom they need discipline, parental guidance and supervision.

It’s a tricky balance, and during the bad days, I feel like I’ve got it all wrong. But over the last few days, when we’ve seen a beautfiul young lady full of life, clear expression and vigour – I feel vindicated and secure. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions and I don’t know how to see the bad days as the exception and the good days as the norm. At the end of the day, the good certainly outweighs the bad – which leads me to believe that I am bringing up well-rounded, caring, generous, sharing, loving, intelligent, HAPPY kids, but during the dark, bad days, it’s difficult to see the long term progression.

I sit here on my laptop, on the floor of my study, watching as my 3 year old plays at the computer (for the first time this weekend, and it is Sunday evening!) She is a bit addicted to the computer but on the plus side, she can open up paint, use it to draw pictures, and is generally quite adept at it. I’d rather she learnt computing skills than sitting there hitting a DS with that little stylus – one seems more akin to skills that she’ll be able to use later – although who knows – we may well find that PCs turn into things very similar to DSs given the current penchant for touchscreens….

The little lad is a handful too, but whilst it’s still early to tell whether he’ll be a laid back chap or not – I think he’s likely to fight for everything with his sister (i.e. very unlaid back!), but I can’t wait for them to start getting on – assuming that does happen at some point – I really hope it is soon! They are so gorgeous when they play together, it makes me happy at so many levels. He’s just started to speak at 18 months, and it’s so lovely watching him communicate better….it’s the beginning of the end of the ‘frustration period’ for him where he understands what’s going on but can’t express himself. It’s sad in a way but its also a key point in his little life thus far, so we need to embrace his communication and listen to what he has to say and try to help him out where we can.

We are beginning to have to employ the naughty step at times, which he hates, but he’s a naughty boy!! Maybe discipline is too early for him, but I think that he understands that he’s being naughty, so its the right time to start disciplining him!!

It’s been a great weekend and the kids have been really well behaved, and I’ve enjoyed it immensely. It gives me such a warm feeling to see them both being so lovely and happy. It makes me think that I am not making as many mistakes as books, guidance, peers, other parents, etc, make me think I am making!! Anyways, time for beddy byes for the littluns.

It’s been a while

So, it’s been a while since I wrote anything, and quite frankly (dammit – I use that word too much at the moment), I feel bad for not having put finger to keyboard.

But, whilst I have a lot to say, I don’t actually have many readers to say anything to. But that isn’t the point. This is more akin to keeping a diary, keeping me sane, helping me emotionally, keeping me self critical.

I don’t really know what to write, but I want to tell you a little about what I am doing, and what things I enjoy. I don’t know where this will take us, but I do know that (a) you’ll probably be bored before having finished reading the page, and (b) I’ll probably not really fully understand why I have bothered writing what I have ultimately written!!

So, the kids are growing up – a 3 year old (almost) and an 18 month old. Both very determined, individualistic, head strong and challenging babies. My daughter is a joy and a horror in one package, I constantly don’t know whether I want to hug and kiss her and never let her go, or let her leave the house when she’s 16! That’s wrong, I don’t want her to leave when she’s 16 – I hope I am one of those fathers that still gets hugs from his little lady when she’s well into her 20s. My little boy is a handful too, and the pair of them fight a lot – short term pain, long term gain, in having two munchkins so close in age. Let’s hope it pays off. More on these later.

What do I do? I work in the City – investment banking. Am I hated? I hope not. I work in a non-trading function, so hopefully I’m not a targeted figure. I don’t think I contributed to the credit crunch – but maybe some feel just working in a bank is enough to apportion blame!! Again, I’m sure that I’ll opine more on this subject as I get more into my blogs, which I intend to do more of going forwards.

What am I into? Family, of course – they are my pride and joy, and I love them to pieces. I work hard but I love coming home and being Dad – there’s nothing I love more than to have them both run up to me and hug me when I walk in the door. Lots more on how the family life is going later, but for now, let’s just say – it’s challenging.

I also love my gadgets. I am typing this out on my new Dell XPS 1330, which is ultra smart and I think is the mutts nuts. I don’t think I’m a massive Vista fan, and I really want Media Centre to talk to my Xbox360, but they don’t seem to want to go bowling together – to use a Breakfast Club phrase. 80s film but a classic nonetheless. Yes, I have an Xbox 360, and am waiting for the day for BT Vision service to appear on it – which has been promised several times and then more recently denied. Having a busy working life and a busy family life, you wonder when I get the chance to play on my xbox – well, to be fair – I don’t. Ever. Well, that’s not strictly true, but it’s close to it.

What else in the gadgetry spectrum – my phone….is it a fashionable iPhone, or a funky Google Android phone. No, it’s an unheard Nokia make – but you know what? It’s the best damn phone I’ve ever owned – and I’ve owned a few! It’s a candy bar model with the inspirational moniker E51. Why is it so good? Interesting question – it just does everything I want it to do without fuss. It connects to 3G and HSDPA networks when they’re available, it was a synch to set up email on it, it’s got a nice web browser on it, although I think I might get a better Opera version at some point. The screen is crisp and clear, and it just works! It doesn’t have many glitches (I think all smartphones have a few) – ok, so the camera isn’t great – but I have a camera for taking pictures. The office package I bought allows me to write, edit documents, spreadsheets, etc, when I need to – so it comes in handy. I’m a big Excel user, so it doesn’t quite fulfill my needs in this department, but it still comes in handy. Apps work well when downloaded, it finds wireless networks well – I just can’t complain. I’ve been around a few other phone models lately, but this is a small, quick, excellent all round phone that I’ve recommended to people – and all those who’ve followed my advice have not regretted it.

What else? My Sonos system – what a revelation. What an excellent device to make me start listening to music around the house again, just awesome. Wireless music, connected to my collection of CDs ripped onto my PCs hard drive, and you can have 32 zones (no, my house is NOT that big) – all playing different music, or all playing the same music, or some playing the same, some playing different. The kit is easily up-scaleable – buy what you need and add to it when you want – and it’s awesome.

The only downfall is my wireless network ain’t all that – but I might try to fix that soon by using a different wireless USB thingy – I think my Belkin one is where the flaw is – ever since I got my laptop, which connects effortlessly to my BT Hub, I’ve stopped blaming BT and started thinking it might be the wireless USB thingy on the PC. Time will tell – ever since I bought the new wireless USB thingy (what ARE they called – hold on….) ok – wireless adaptor, the old one seems to be behaving, as if it has realised that it needs to buck it’s ideas up… strange, but true.

What other shit am I into? Cooking – I love it. I don’t get anywhere near enough time for it, but I do like to cook. And my next venture is to grow my own veg. Not because I like to garden, I don’t really. But the idea of fresh vegetables on the table, the idea of picking a cob of corn from the garden and cooking it up, and eating it within hours fills me with such a mouth-watering excitement, I don’t know what to say. So, I’m making a raised bed, I’m feeding it, I’m going to grow corn, beans, squash (the three sisters – they work well together), courgettes, chillies, carrots, leeks, beetroot, and parsnips! Quite a lot, but I’m hoping for more success than last year – but I hope I’ve learnt from my mistakes. I’ll keep you informed on my progress.

Well, that’s it for now, I hope SOMEONE reads this page…..there’ll be a lot more on vegetables, cooking, gadgets, banking, family, kids, relationships, and so on, as I get involved with writing more and saying more.

Sleep troubles

Every parent experiences them: I just don’t know what to do with my 2 year old. She used to go to bed quite well, accepting that after a couple of books, it was time for sleep. Now – she’s changed her mind.

She just won’t let us leave her without screaming the place down, and waking her younger brother (who, once awake, stays awake). I just can’t seem to get her into a night-time routine which she likes. She simply wants to stay up, continually, and won’t accept being put to bed. It’s getting to the stage where I’ll need to either (a) let her decide when she wants to go to bed (but then she’ll be up after us!!) or (b) put her down at 7pm and let her scream until she’s asleep……

This latter option mightn’t be such a bad idea….!! See – writing these blogs does make you think a bit about next steps….considering what to write leaves you thinking about where you are with things, and what might be a good next step.

Somehow I need some ideas, so please if you read this, give me some decent ideas about what to try. We’ve tried a little TV and reading before bed, we’ve tried dropping the TV, we’ve tried just reading, but each routine she just wants to go on and on, and she stays awake. She NEVER falls asleep. Maybe we need to drop her afternoon sleep – but it seems too early in her life to do that…but she’s never tired in the evenings. If she doesn’t have an afternoon nap, she’s so grotty come 5pm it’s unreal…

Right now she’s almost knocking the cot through the ceiling – I’m surprised Isaac’s not woken from his afternoon nap already. Each time she asks for stuff (dolly, milk, books) I am taking a looooong time getting them, hoping that she’ll be asleep next time I go back. She rarely is though…

I’m at the end of my tether. It takes about 3 hours to get her to bed at night. It used to be that only I could do it and she wouldn’t play me up, but now she plays both of us up….

Feedback very welcome!!!!!

Kids Summary

Just wrote a message to a colleague of mine in NY that I haven’t spoken to in a while – summarising the kids…

Anna is 2 now, she talks like she’s 4,
acts like a teenager, and wants to be treated as if she’s 21. Insane, the pair
of them. They both have no fear – Anna’s already doing back flips into the
swimming pool. Other parents just look, mouth open, eyes wide.

Isaac is 10 months now, wants to walk
before his time, loves getting into all sorts of mischief (he just seems to
smell an opportunity to misbehave) and he’s got the cutest grin about him. When
he’s causing trouble (eg. pulling down the curtains in the lounge, poking his
fingers into my brothers German Shepherd dog’s mouth and eyes) he’s roaring
with laughter.

Its 2am…

So, here we are. Me and the boy, in his new room. He’s wide awake and wants to play. I’m tired and want my bed. Its all right for the wee man, he can sleep at nursery, not sure I’ll get away with the same thing at my desk. I’ve known a couple of people who feel asleep at work. One very blatantly, right in the centre of the trading floor, and one not so, off the side in an IT room. Suffice to say that both didn’t last for too long after their afternoon naps…

Please excuse any spelling errors, this entire blog will be written on my E51 phone, and therefore, it may not end up sounding or looking the best.

In fact, I can’t really see that he will give me the opportunity to actually write something, he’s just too demanding. This is where I need all my patience. He’s being good all right, but getting him to sleep, without leaving him to cry a little (else he’ll wake the little girl) is another matter entirely.

So the new room is generally working out well, despite this episode.. We’ve had 3 or 4 complete nights on the spin of solid sleeping, which is a result. He’s currently beating the living daylights out of one of his ‘cuddly friends’ in his cot! Every now and then, getting up to stand at the side of the cot to scream over at me or laugh, as if to say ’still awake Dad, aren’t i just the cleverest boy you did ever know?’ Oh yes, son, course you are.

So, quick update on the work front, be interested to hear your thoughts on this… I get ‘appraised’ each year, and failing to deliver on time (more correctly, failing to accurately estimate how long things take) is a criticism that has been levelled at me. One which I mostly agree with. Soooo, I need to improve.

Take today, for example, I have done some overhauling on a policy paper that will need sending around for feedback from various global stakeholders and my boss has feedback that I keep chasing him for and he’s not delivering (I’ve been chasing him for almost 3 days now). He tried to deliver at 10 to 5pm yesterday, but knowing his penchant for taking about 6 times as long as he plans (he does like to talk) I decided that it wasn’t the best idea in the world to start a conversation at 10 minutes to 5pm. I like to leave at 5 these days so that I can get time with the kids – it’s very important to me, and to help ensure that I do leave at 5, I get in about half 7 (just in case you were all thinking I ‘work-to-rule’)…

So, back to the policy paper, once I’ve told him that starting this conversation at 10 to 5 isn’t the best idea, to which he agrees – he asks, where do you think we are – is it waiting on me for another iteration or about ok to go out to the wider audience, and I say that I think it’s pretty much ready for the wider audience and his feedback can just come along with that, and I can react to all of it at once. Getting it out to the wider audience is critical since that step is likely to take some time as several people, in different time zones, will take more time to give feedback than others. And he agrees, but then he says – but since I’ve got feedback to give you now, let’s just do that tomorrow, before we send it out…!!! Is this just frustrating for me? I am beginning to feel held back by his management, and have been feeling like this for some time. I think I’ll need to keep an eye on this, and see if more examples come to light. Having worked for him for 11 years, leaving to have a different boss will be weird, but I think something has to give, somewhere. This micro-management is getting on top of me, and is restricting my potential, I feel…

PS – I didn’t write the whole blog on the mobulus in the end, after I’d got quite far I decided to save the draft and then my web browser on the phone kept crashing when trying to edit the draft….hmmm….might have to get a different web browser and see if it works better. Ended up being up with Isaac for about 2 hours in total, so pretty bad, but not terrible…

Veg Update

And I ought to say….

Tomatoes: beginning to turn up (5/6 green spheres….)

Courgettes: two, getting bigger….

Chillies: Flowers, no fruit yet…

Progress……small, but there.

What a turbulent, upsy downy week

Well, today has not been good. Nor yesterday for that matter. Worked until very late, meaning that i get a lot less time with my kids, which really sucks. Hmmm..’sucks’ is quite an American saying, perhaps i’ve been working with Americans and Canadians too long…
Anyway, my boss likes to keep things secret until he has analysed everything down to the most precise detail, and there’s rarely anything that gets done without the most careful and precise planning known to mankind. I can see the value in planning, of course I can, but when you start to seriously hamper the ability to deliver by constantly changing, reiterating the plans, it begins to stop being useful and starts to make the plan itself, effectively, useless because its been delayed too long. Of course, this micro-management seeps into my work, where every single sentence i write becomes a sentence that he’s written. After he’s made me change it all, he insists that it wasn’t that bad how I had it, but he would just word it differently, or what he means, better. Today he made me change loads of stuff but then said, its not really that important and, I think we just need to make that bit ‘colder’. But, its my email, allow me to write the way that I would normally write.

Long days, arguments, frustration is getting me down. I like my job, mostly, i like my boss, to be fair to him. But his micro management needs to be addressed. Sometimes you just gotta get on with stuff, and not worry if there’s too much personality in a work email. In fact, I actually like some personality in my emails. I think it sets me apart from the crowd a bit. I don’t want to be a clone of my boss.

Ok – so that was all happening on Wednesday and Thursday – it’s now Saturday night – and we’re well into the weekend. Week ended much better than I thought it might – work was going better, boss wasn’t as pedantic on Friday as he normally is, and I managed to actually get out of doing some extra work, because someone else has decided to take on some responsibility ! It’s normally me that does that, but not this time. I like seeing people step up to the plate. It’s refreshing. Especially someone who is roundly criticised for not doing so – watching them do it is very satisfying. Good on ‘em. People need to take responsibility and be accountable. That’s how people move forward and get noticed. Course, it’s not the only was, but it’s cetainly A way.

Weekends started well, a bit manic, but managed to get my car MOTd, which took some doing. I’m just not careful enough (in my personal life) to look after a “locking wheel nut”. I have a new one now, and it is STAYING in the car. No more running around trying to buy one, just so the garage can fit me a new tyre. It even resulted in a row between me and the missus. It’s not a good idea to call me “careless” when I’ve had a bad day. And then, not apologise. I don’t disagree that I’m careless. Course I can’t say “nah, I’m good – losing locking wheel nuts isn’t careless”….. but her timing wasn’t entirely the best. And then to piss me off and not apologise. I just saw it as being inconsiderate, given my mood. Coming from the missus, that’s where it annoyed. Normally she is THE MOST considerate of people’s feelings and so it was out of character. We made up the next day when she apologised for the timing of the criticism, which was my only real issue about it…..!! Perhaps I shouldn’t get so het up, but I need her support. We understand each other well, so things are good.

Day has gone by pretty good – Isaac is in his new room, so we’ll see how that pans out. Should be ok. Both slept through last night, so very happy about that. Anna’s been good all day, despite not having her afternoon nap – but I don’t really like how much TV she wants to watch. I always said that I wouldn’t be that sort of Dad (to let them watch TV all the time) – but it does make for a quiet life once in a while. Once we got her running about in the garden, we were all much happier. Isaac enjoyed crawling about all over the lawn too, so that was good. Can’t wait for them to start running around after each other, and the way Isaac is going, it won’t be long. Not sure if Anna will be too happy initially, and I’m sure it will create more problems to begin with, but once she sees the benefits, it’ll be sweet.

Anna did play me up going to bed, and I lost my temper with her a couple of times, and I shouldn’t. I need to control it better. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hit her in a temper, absolutely not. But I shout a bit. And that doesn’t help anybody really. I need to bear in mind that she’s only 2 and she’s been up all day and is very tired. I sometimes forget how young she is because she understands everything so well. If she says “no” to something, which happens a lot, then you just need to explain to her why, and she normally comes back with…. “errmm….ok”, and does as she’s told. It’s the cutest…!

Anyways, it’s time for me to end this scorching day, off to bed to cuddle the missus. Sleep tight all. x

Synchronisation of Firefox between work and home…..

Wow – FireFox is sooo good.

Hack Attack: Sync your Firefox extensions and profiles across computers

Ok, this could get addictive….

So, the boy is in bed (though not in the new room as planned) – not enough time to move the cot about on a ’school night’! Fingers crossed he’ll remain asleep. It’s a lottery. No more steps today, but he is looking very confident on his feet. He’s been very cheeky since returning home also.

Him and Anna were bundling on me from the moment they walked in the door with Mum – and he was giving as good as he got, bless him. He started off life as a bit of a wuss, but I tell you what – Anna’s beaten that out of him! He’s full of trouble. Anna ran over his hand whilst pelting down the hall on a car thingy – and he didn’t bat an eyelid. Still cries when Mum or I leave the room, of course! But what little, self-respecting 10-month-old wouldn’t??!

I described Anna to a work colleague today – when asked how old she was – I said “she was 2 a couple of months ago – talks like 4, acts like 14, thinks she’s 20.” I think that pretty much sums her up – she has an excellent vocabulary for a 2 year old, she has the strops of a 14-year-old and she think she’s old enough to make her own decisions and do what she likes. Hilarious – but she’s so strong-willed. Jeez – it’s going to be an interesting few years, I can tell you.

14 hits on my post from earlier – no comments, but 14 hits. Well, we have to start somewhere. If anyone wants to share their stories of the plights of their own 2 year old girl, or their 10 month old boy – or anything really – then feel free.

inane thought of the day – whilst i don’t want my kids to grow up too fast, I won’t miss the bottle washing and sterilising. That has to be the dullest job of a parent … ever. Answers on a postcard if people can think of a duller parent task??!

Take care – time to cook dinner.